The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
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He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
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I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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