She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
