plz talk dirty to me
Me. At least after what I've been through.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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