the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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