Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
