Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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