who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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