He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
