you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I supernannyed him into submission
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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