these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
