I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
