he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
