Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
