I wish I could punch you in the face.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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