Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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