I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Someone shattered a urinal.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
