based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
