6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
