And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
