Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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