you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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