You're completely useless in the revolution.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
