I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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