I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
