so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize