dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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