the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
The ass gains better be worth it
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