Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Randomize
