I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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