Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
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