I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
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Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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