Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
My friends, they love my intelligence
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
he had hair everywhere except his balls
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
