Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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