Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
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