This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
