Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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