We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
