Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Who died my cat blue again?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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