White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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