I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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