So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
