Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize