A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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