Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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