just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i just google imaged poop.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
