I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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