Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
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