I should be sponsored by Trojan
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
