I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
