Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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