i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
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