i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
