the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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