it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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