is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
