Cold hands, warm shart.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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