Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
