If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Your penis caused this!
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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