HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
