12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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