seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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