No awkward lesbian experiences without me
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
