Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
