so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
