Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize