OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
