dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
