i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
