I wish I could teleport
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
