the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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