people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
