OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
