I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
