I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
